Women, Polygamy and Islam

It has been considered for years that Islam does not give equal rights to men and women, and consider women only subject of comfort for males. This opinion has been delivered time and time again by renowned women activists but their basis of arguments being only the alleged facts. Their main argument is against the permission given towards polygamy in Islam. But many scholars who have gone through the pain in studying what Islam actually says have different opinion. They agree, in general, that Islam's approach to polygamy is most balanced and rational and is based on the moral, psychological and physiological demands of men and women (The Independent 13).

It should be remembered that taking more than one wife is only permissible, not ordained by the Quran - as some 'progressive' activist would like to believe. The Quranic verse that allows polygamy should be read in the context it was revealed. The Verse says, "And if you fear that you cannot act equitably towards orphans, then marry such women as seem good to you, two, three and four, but if you fear that you may not do justice to them, then (marry) only one" (4: 3). This verse was revealed after the battle of Uhud. In that battle, many Muslim men died and as such a great social problem for the protection of widows and orphans arose, necessitating an institutionalized polygamy for a convenient solution of the problem.

Some of the eminent Western scholars who actually studied Islam, quite blatantly criticized the Western and other self proclaimed writers for venting their opinion as facts. In her book The Life and Teachings of Muhammed, Dr. Annie Besant, the renowned English leader of Theosophical Movement, says: " There is pretended monogamy in the West, but in reality, there is polygamy without responsibility; the mistress is cast off when the man is weary of her ... the first lover has no responsibility for her future, and she is a hundred times worst off then the sheltered wife in a polygamous home. "When we see thousands of miserable women who crowd the streets of Western towns during the night, we must surely feel that it does not lie in the Western mouth to reproach Islam for polygamy. It is better for woman, happier for woman, more respectable for woman to live in polygamy, united to one man, only with a legitimate child in her arms and surrounded with respect, than to be seduced and then cast out into the streets perhaps with illegitimate child outside the rule of law, uncared, unsheltered, to become victim of any passer-by, night after night, rendered incapable of motherhood despised by all. "You can find others," continues Annie Besant, "stating that religion Islam is evil because it sanctions a limited polygamy. But you do not hear as a rule the criticism ... that monogamy with a blended mass of prostitution was a hypocrisy and more degrading than a limited polygamy. "... it must be remembered that the law of Islam in relation to women was until lately, when parts of it was imitated initiated in England, the most just law, as far as women are concerned, to be found in the world. Dealing with property, ...rights of succession,... cases of divorce, it was far beyond the law of the West, in the respect which was paid to the rights of women. Those things are forgotten while people are hypnotized by the words monogamy and polygamy and do not look at what lies behind it in the West - the frightful degradation of women..."

Divorce in Islam

The next point of confrontation regarding women is the issue of divorce. It is a well accepted thought that Islam allows the husband to get rid of his wife on his free will, any time he likes by uttering a particular word three times repeatedly. This idea is totally baseless and has got nothing to do with Islam is quite clear when one takes the pain of studying it. first of all, the marriage in Islam is a social contract, and it can be dissolved if it proves, in any way, injurious or incompatible to the wife or to the husband. The wife has been given as much right to obtain the divorce as the husband. But the process of divorce has been set with a time limit of three months, so that a major decision like this is not taken in a moment of anger, and then both of them reproaches it after their anger vents out. This has been clearly instructed in the Holy Quran, but made unnecessarily confused by some elite class to suite their own purpose. On the Timing of divorce: " O Prophet! if ye do divorce woman, divorce them at their prescribed periods, and count (accurately) their prescribed periods: And fear Allah, your Lord: And turn them not out of your houses, nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of open lewdness " (LXV: 1). On waiting periods for divorced women: " Divorced woman must wait three monthly courses. And it is not lawful for them to hide what Allah has created in their wombs, if they sincerely believe in Allah and the last day..." (2:228) Thus a clear three months period is mandatory before the final pronouncement is to be given. Each pronouncement of Talaq has to be made with a month's increment between it, so that their is chance that the couple repents and decide to continue their life together. After all, the prophet's saying goes 'Divorce is most disliked by Allah among all permissible things.' As women have got full rights to decide on to their separations, they also have full rights to chose partners in marriage, which is against what the 'learned' class would like to believe. No marriage in Islam is valid unless the bride and the bride-groom give their verbal consents regarding their marriage.

Status of Women in Islam

The status given to the women by Islam is another point of conflict as most of the "literate lots" would very much like to believe that women in Islam are still unliberated. However, it would be pointless to defend Islam by saying that Islam did give Women full equality in all respect to men (as some scholars defending Islam tried to do), as in reality, Islam does recognize the fact that women and men have their differences on the basis of their physical and physiological aspects, which is clearly stated in the Holy Quran in the following verses: "... Wives have the same rights as the husbands have on them in accordance with the generally known principles. Ofcourse, men are a degree above them in status, and above all is Allah, the All-Mighty, the All-Wise" (2: 228). "Men are in charge of women because Allah has made the one superior to the other and because men spend their wealth on women" (4: 34).

Thus, in Islam, men and women have absolute equality in stature, but with a complete difference in labor. Being subjected to the responsibility of taking care of the house-holds, is considered somewhat degrading nowadays, forwarding the possible idea that Islam has kept women away from nation building. But if we are to consider Napoleon's saying that 'Give me a good mother; I will give you a good nation', then we can see that in reality nation building starts at home, and failure to learn correct guidance at home would lead the generations to degrade, without even being concerned over it. In fact the Islamic concept of household is that it is the smallest unit in the greater organization of the Nation as a whole. The home is a little kingdom where authority is exercised by both husband and wife.

Divorce In Islam

Moreover the procedure of divorce in Islam is such as to encourage reconciliation where possible. After divorce the woman should wait three monthly cycles during which her husband remains responsible for her welfare and maintenance. He is not permitted to drive her out of the house during this period. She has been advised not to leave the house of the divorcing husband, in order to enhance the chances of reconciliation, as well as to protect her right of sustenance during the three months waiting period. The main purpose of this waiting period is to clarify whether the divorced wife is or is not expecting a child. Its second use is as a cooling-off period during which the relatives and other members of the family or of the community may try to help towards a reconciliation and better understanding between the partners. The Qur'an says:
"And if you fear a breach between the two, then appoint judge from his people and a judge from her people; if they both desire agreement, Allah will effect harmony between them, surely Allah is Knowing, Aware." (4:35).
If they are reconciled they may resume the marriage relations at any time within the waiting period, whereupon the divorce is automatically revoked. If further trouble arises and divorce is pronounced a second time, the same procedure is followed. Only if the matter reaches a third divorce does it become irrevocable. The wife is then to leave the house and is free after three monthly cycles to marry another man if she wishes. The first husband is not then permitted to remarry her unless she has in the meantime married another man and been divorced in usual legal manner.
This procedure is the normal one followed if the husband is the one seeking divorce or if the divorce is by mutual consent. If the wife seeks divorce against the wishes of the husband she may take her case to the court and obtain divorce.
An instance was reported at the time of the Prophet when a woman came to him saying that although her husband was a good man and she had no complaint against his treatment, she disliked him greatly and could not live with him. The Prophet directed that she should return to the husband a garden which he had given to her as her dowry, as the condition of her divorce. This procedure is sanctioned in the Qur'an where Allah says:
"And if you fear that they may not be able to keep the limits of Allah, then there is no sin for either of them, if the woman redeems herself with that" (2:229).
One may observe that modern developments in marriage law in England and other Western countries are tending towards the Islamic pattern, albeit unconsciously, in many ways, stressing guidance and counselling before divorce, privacy of divorce proceedings and speeding of the process of divorce once it has been established that the marriage has irretrievably broken down.
The law of Islam does not therefore compel unhappy couples to stay together, but its procedures help them to find a basis on which they can be reconciled with each other. If reconciliation is impossible the law does not impose any unnecessary delay or obstacle in the way of either partner's remarriage.
Right to Inheritance
Another right of the Muslim woman which is a part of Islamic law is the right to inherit property. The method of division of inheritance is clearly laid down in the Qur'an and the general rule is that man gets double. This may if taken in isolation from other legislation appear to be unfair; however, it must be remembered that in accordance with the verse of the Qur'an quoted earlier, men are charged with the maintenance of all the women and children in their family, and therefore their necessary obligations of expenditure are far higher than those of women. The half-share that a woman inherits may therefore be considered a generous one since it is for herself alone. Any such money or property which a woman owns or any business which she runs is entirely her own and her husband has no right to any of it.

Her Rights

The status of women in Islam is often a topic of debate. It is not a new issue. In the beginning, women’s rights in Islam were seen as the most civilized ever seen. Later, however, Muslims became ignorant due to distortion and lack of understanding of the religion.

Allah SWT Says in the Noble Quran:-
“The believers, men and women, are protectors, one of another: they enjoin what is just and forbid what is evil: they observe regular prayers, practice regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His Mercy: for Allah is Exalted in power, Wise.” [At-Tawbah: 71]

This verse shows that both men and women are protectors of each other and have the same responsibilities towards Allah SWT.

In Islam, marriage is a lawful union between a man and a woman to foster a state of tranquility, love and compassion. The Quran clearly indicates that marriage is sharing between the two halves and its objective includes perpetuating human life and based on love and mercy.

The Quran States:-
"And among His signs is this: That He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest, peace of mind in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, herein indeed are signs for people who reflect." [Ar-Rum: 21]

However, a happy marriage that last a lifetime is not always the case. Divorce, although it is discourage, occurs in some marriages when the couple fail to coordinate their quest. If the marriage can no longer be saved, Islam calls for men to seek a gracious end for it.

The Quran Says:-
"When you divorce women, and they reach their prescribed term, then retain them in kindness and retain them not for injury so that you transgress (the limits)." [Al-Baqarah: 231]

It is important for us to understand that women are not to be blamed for the fall of man. From the spiritual standpoint, it is important to remember that the Noble Quran never blamed Hawaa for the first mistake of eating fruit from the forbidden tree. What we know is that it speaks about both of them doing this, both of them are told that both of them disobeyed, both of them discovered the consequences of their disobedience, both of them seek repentance and both of them are forgiven. Hence, women should also not be looked down upon or be blamed when a divorce occurs.

We should understand that Islam has given certain rights to women, both before and after marriage and this includes:-

• The bride is entitled to a marital gift (mahr) from the husband. This mahr is the exclusive right of the woman.
• A woman retains whatever property she owns prior to marriage.
• If the woman has her own career or made her own investments, she does not have to spend the income on the household as it is entirely hers. However, she has to seek her husband’s permission to work.
• She must recognize her husband’s duty for running the affairs of the family and obey his judgment provided he does not go beyond the limits of Islam.
• The full maintenance and support of a married woman is the responsibility of her husband regardless of whether she is richer or poorer than he is. However, any difficulties should be given a hand as Allah SWT Says,

"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them as regards to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them.)". [Al-Baqarah: 228]

• In a divorce, there are certain guarantees during the waiting period and beyond for the woman’s support. This includes child support, which is the responsibility of their father.
It is clear now that women’s rights are protected by Islam. Any perceptions that bear to the thinking that women are oppressed are merely misconceptions.

Hate No More

Islam views marriage as a sacred bond that brings together a man and a woman. It is a religious duty and is considered a moral safeguard as well as social necessity. Marriage is a beautiful relationship and should not be broken except for compelling reasons.
Divorce is not encouraged and should be treated as the last unwelcome resort after all possible means to sustain the marriage fail. This includes peaceful discussion between the couple and seeking a third party to help them with their problem. The Allah SWT hates a divorce without just reason. The Prophet SAW said:
"Among lawful things, divorce is most hated by Allah." [Abu Dawood]
However, if differences between a husband and a wife are still irreconcilable despite actions taken to save it, divorce is permitted and should be performed in a decent manner.
Allah SWT Says,
"If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best." [An-Nisaa'': 128]
When a divorce occurs, the true cost of it effects on the family most. Although it is a painful experience, not only for the couple themselves, but also for their children and family members, it is best that each party learn their rights and obligations. You need to know how you can protect yourself when dealing with the situation.
OBLIGATIONS
When children are involved, both parents are responsible towards their well-being. This includes providing child support and visitation rights. If your divorce agreement states you to provide child support, you are obligated to pay it and trust that your ex-spouse uses the money for the benefit of your children. On the other hand, if you are given the custody for the children, you must not withhold visitation rights even if your ex-spouse fails to provide child support. Your children should not be the victims and they have the rights to the care and love from both parents.
PROPERTY / ASSETS
A number of people going through the divorce process do not get what they deserve in terms of properties / assets as they focus more on getting the procedure done and over with, or they wish for a chance to reconcile.
Each party has their own rights. If you have gained custody of the children, the division of properties and assets are important as it reflects the future of your children. It is advisable that a financial planner be consulted to assess the real value of your assets. It is best that both parties come to an agreement when it comes to properties and assets, but this is not often the case.
You may consider consulting an attorney. However, you must do your homework first. List down all your marital assets and get appraisals where necessary. Calculate how much you need to cover your children’s food, clothes, school supplies and other expenses. Find out how much your spouse earns including bonuses and stock options.
A wife should also keep in mind what she owns before marriage is entirely her right and her husband has no right to any of it both during marriage and after divorce.
RIGHTS
When it comes to financial matters, it is important that the wife also educate herself, as usually she would leave it to her husband to handle. She must understand their tax returns, investments and stay informed on all their debts and family income.
When a divorce is in progress, you must cancel any joint bank accounts and open individual accounts. Cancel all credit cards and get new ones under your own name. Notify all creditors on you change in marital status.
All assets must be legally divided when your divorce has been finalized including changing the names on house deeds, car titles, stocks and bonds. It is important that you change the beneficiaries on life insurance policies, saving accounts etc. You must remember that you need to update your will immediately.
Divorce can been seen as more merciful rather than forcing couples to live together despite their will. It can be a devastating experience for one or both parties, but knowing your rights can help reduce the pain. It is definitely a bitter pill to swallow and every couple must look for ways to avoid this abominable life.