Hate No More

Islam views marriage as a sacred bond that brings together a man and a woman. It is a religious duty and is considered a moral safeguard as well as social necessity. Marriage is a beautiful relationship and should not be broken except for compelling reasons.
Divorce is not encouraged and should be treated as the last unwelcome resort after all possible means to sustain the marriage fail. This includes peaceful discussion between the couple and seeking a third party to help them with their problem. The Allah SWT hates a divorce without just reason. The Prophet SAW said:
"Among lawful things, divorce is most hated by Allah." [Abu Dawood]
However, if differences between a husband and a wife are still irreconcilable despite actions taken to save it, divorce is permitted and should be performed in a decent manner.
Allah SWT Says,
"If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best." [An-Nisaa'': 128]
When a divorce occurs, the true cost of it effects on the family most. Although it is a painful experience, not only for the couple themselves, but also for their children and family members, it is best that each party learn their rights and obligations. You need to know how you can protect yourself when dealing with the situation.
OBLIGATIONS
When children are involved, both parents are responsible towards their well-being. This includes providing child support and visitation rights. If your divorce agreement states you to provide child support, you are obligated to pay it and trust that your ex-spouse uses the money for the benefit of your children. On the other hand, if you are given the custody for the children, you must not withhold visitation rights even if your ex-spouse fails to provide child support. Your children should not be the victims and they have the rights to the care and love from both parents.
PROPERTY / ASSETS
A number of people going through the divorce process do not get what they deserve in terms of properties / assets as they focus more on getting the procedure done and over with, or they wish for a chance to reconcile.
Each party has their own rights. If you have gained custody of the children, the division of properties and assets are important as it reflects the future of your children. It is advisable that a financial planner be consulted to assess the real value of your assets. It is best that both parties come to an agreement when it comes to properties and assets, but this is not often the case.
You may consider consulting an attorney. However, you must do your homework first. List down all your marital assets and get appraisals where necessary. Calculate how much you need to cover your children’s food, clothes, school supplies and other expenses. Find out how much your spouse earns including bonuses and stock options.
A wife should also keep in mind what she owns before marriage is entirely her right and her husband has no right to any of it both during marriage and after divorce.
RIGHTS
When it comes to financial matters, it is important that the wife also educate herself, as usually she would leave it to her husband to handle. She must understand their tax returns, investments and stay informed on all their debts and family income.
When a divorce is in progress, you must cancel any joint bank accounts and open individual accounts. Cancel all credit cards and get new ones under your own name. Notify all creditors on you change in marital status.
All assets must be legally divided when your divorce has been finalized including changing the names on house deeds, car titles, stocks and bonds. It is important that you change the beneficiaries on life insurance policies, saving accounts etc. You must remember that you need to update your will immediately.
Divorce can been seen as more merciful rather than forcing couples to live together despite their will. It can be a devastating experience for one or both parties, but knowing your rights can help reduce the pain. It is definitely a bitter pill to swallow and every couple must look for ways to avoid this abominable life.

Family Life in Islam

Shehzad Saleem
http://www.renaissance.com.pk/Juned2y4.html

If we minutely observe our universe, it becomes evident that the Almighty has created everything in pairs. Both members of a pair complement one another and there exists a tremendous amount of affinity between the two. The poise and balance necessary to create harmony and concordance in this relationship are very delicate, and a slight divergence can damage it beyond restoration. One of the members plays an active and dominant role and the other a passive and acquiescent one. In case, a piece of paper does not submit to the initiative taken by the pen, no writing can come into existence. If the pen smoothly slides across the sheet of paper, it can create a masterpiece, and if it harshly scrapes on it, it will only tear it apart.
Man and woman, perhaps, are one of the perfect examples of such ‘paired-creation’. When they interact with one another, it is in their own well being that harmony and concordance result. But then what should be the nature of this interaction? Islam has always insisted that marriage is the only legitimate form of this interaction so that the institution of family becomes the basic unit of a society.
The reason for this is that man is basically a weak and an insecure being. He has spiritual as well as material needs. Just as he needs to develop a strong relationship with the Almighty to fulfill his spiritual needs, he also needs to develop a strong relationship with his fellow human beings to fulfill his material needs. Thus a man and a woman must come together in a permanent bond of wedlock to create a family to fulfill these material needs which may be physical, emotional and psychological. A man and a woman, taken separately, are incomplete in their existence. Both need each other to fill the voids of their personalities. There are some responsibilities which only a man can fulfill and others which only a woman can. Furthermore, since these requirements are everlasting, any temporary relationship between a man and a woman can never be truly fruitful. The Qur’an thus says that marriage is a means of solace and comfort for both of them:
And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has planted love and kindness between you. (30:21)
Besides providing peace and tranquility to the spouses, the role a family set-up plays in fulfilling the needs of the individual born to a family is apparent to every keen eye.
Further, in order to safeguard the institution of family, Islam has given a number of directives for the protection and preservation of the family. Some of these directives are referred to below.
It says that a man and a woman must come together in a permanent bond of marriage and must not indulge in extra-marital relationships since they dismember the institution of family. It prescribes severe punishments for people who are guilty of adultery and ostracizes them from the society.
It lays down a whole code of social etiquette and communal conduct to safeguard and protect chastity and modesty which themselves are necessary for the well-being of a family set-up.
It regards the husband as head of the family because his temperament and disposition are more suited for this task.
It is of the view that all differences of opinion between the husband and wife should generally be resolved in an atmosphere of mutual trust and confidence. However, if a situation of anarchy and disorder arises which threatens to disrupt the whole family set-up, the wife must adopt an attitude of submission and adjustment.
It invests the husband with certain powers to deal with a wife who adopts a rebellious attitude and stands up against his authority, just as an affectionate mother has the authority to admonish her children to correct them.
It holds the parents responsible for the proper upbringing of their children.
It urges the children to be very kind and compassionate to their parents, especially in old age.
It says that if ever a divorce is to end a family set-up, a certain prescribed procedure should be followed in letter and spirit since this procedure ensures that the dissolution of marriage passes through an interim phase in which the decision has ample time to be reconsidered.
It maintains that if a divorced woman intends to start a new family, her former husband or his relatives must in no way obstruct her.